MotherBraggers

I ran into a MotherBragger from my past today, one I hadn’t sparred with in a good six years or more. She opened the conversation with a familiar MB move, asking me about my kid. The question was classically constructed, giving her a running-start at launching into specific details about her own child’s future plans. (“Is your son going away to college and playing a sport?”) But something was different about this déjà vu grocery store encounter: it didn’t bug me that much.

Right on the spot I was able to recognize how much happier and less anxious I have become since my kids have gotten older and my required hours spent mired in mothers-with-all-the-answers have been mostly eliminated.

This is good news I want to share with all you moms still spending a disproportionate amount of time putting up with daily bragging sessions while trying to hide some ugly truths from those mother superiors in your life — like you gladly let your kids quit piano lessons, or they don’t have weekly chores or a passion for anything except Xbox, or even more shameful, you don’t go to most their hockey games because it’s wicked uncomfortable at the rink — and boring, especially any time your child isn’t on the ice. Just to name a few generic examples…

This too shall pass! Some day before you know it, you will only have to be nice to mothers you actually like, and you can ignore the rest without fear your child will be blackballed from their birthday party lists.

The fact is, by the time your kids are in junior high, you won’t even know most their friends. Or who’s having the parties. And you’ll be grateful for every party your child does NOT attend! I realize these are scary thoughts, but remember, it also means that you’ll no longer have to pretend you enjoy decorating for school fundraisers with all those braggedy-ass mothers.